Gay Marriage Logic

Following on from College Humour’s ‘Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfried‘ video (hilarious and well worth watching), I was reminded of a conversation I had a couple of years ago on the topic.

I can’t recall how the subject arose, but it resulted in some surprisingly astute reasoning from a certain gentleman I wouldn’t have expected it from. Not that he was openly homophobic, but he was ex-army, scout leader, prominent rugby referee, mountaineer, amateur pilot … an epitome of manliness, basically.

So there’s me, signing off on my prejudices, when the following statement is uttered (in a lovely Limerick accent):

“You know, I really don’t see what’s so wrong with this whole gay marriage rights yoke. I mean, if gay men, you know like, get married and shit, that’d mean there’d be more single women.

Of course, it’d also mean that them lesbians could get married too, but to be honest, I wouldn’t want to risk ending up with some butch one who’s larger than me. Nah, gay marriage should definitely be, you know, legal.”

Needless to say, I was stunned. Partly by the amount of stereotypes he managed to squeeze into twenty seconds, but mostly by his flawless logic and insight on the matter.

Warning – The following section contains maths

I knew he was logically right, but me being me, decided to do the maths on it. Taking 100 people (50 of whom are male, 10 of whom are LGBT) the hottest girl in the bunch has a 1 in 50 chance (2%) of randomly picking me. However, should those 5 gays be off and married and out of the singles pool, then that stat rises to 1 in 45 (2.22%). Hmm… Only 5.55% increase in likelihood of getting picked. I suppose every little helps in cases like mine (i.e. people who analyse dating probabilities).

On the flip side then, my chance of ending up with unrequited love (i.e. me falling in love with one of the five lesbians) is dramatically decreased. In fact, it drops from 1 in 10 (10%) to zero.

So there you have it: gay marriage is great for all those nerds who want to increase their chances. There may also be some knock-on effects, such as more boys coming out as gay when they see it being normalised, ergo increasing my chances even further!

Oh dear, now I’m tempted to run a java simulation file on it to check my maths…


Disclaimer: I realise that the above model is flawed in a lot of ways, mainly the psychology of LGBT individuals aren’t calculated at all. Unfortunately maths is a heartless monster, and makes sweeping judgments to make its life simpler. I’ll try and reason with it before using it in a blog again.


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